Can I not just tell you how much that little bitty quote has been running through my head the last 3 weeks? If not the last 3 months? I have tons on my mind right now. I know you are thinking "how can she? she doesn't do anything..." It's right people I don't do anything but that means more time for my mind to wander around thinking. And after it over analyzes everything in and out, it over analyzes what has already been over analyzed. Serious - I loath it. It seriously kills my head and no wonder I've had a head ache all day. So to get this all out of my head so I can think straight for at least the rest of night, here comes s BIG mess from upstairs in the brain.
- Boys. I thought that once I grew up a little they wouldn't be called boys anymore, maybe like 'men'. But boy had I learned that they aren't men - even if you think they are. Not like I should know anyways because I don't have even one boy in my life, except for all the ones that count. Like my dad, brothers, uncles and grandpa's. And I can honestly be happy without them for now. I am. But I also have a few regrets. I can't change those and I can't go back so why does it matter anyway. Two weeks ago I hung out/went on a date with this kid. Nice. And when I say nice I mean in more ways then just one. I was TOTALLY myself. Did what I thought was best and haven't seen or heard from the kid sense. Kind of showed me what it is like when a boy is not interested anymore...haha Then on Wednesday I went on a date with some stranger. It was a great experience. I again, was myself, changed what I thought was a good change from the last date so I wouldn't have any regrets and now I know what it is like when a boy is interested in more...haha I don't understand you boys. Not even one of you. What the heck are you looking for? Someone out going? Because I gave that to you. What about shy? Because I am guilty of that one too. How about a Pre-Madonna? NOPE you won't get that from me. You can't just take one experience that we've had together thinking that is what I really am. Get to know me. I'll do my part and get to know you too. I'm SHACARi. Like it or don't. Sorry.
- Now that that is out - I miss my missionary friends. And now I can even say they aren't all just boys. yes, Caprice is out there too. But seriously, last year in college I still had most of them. And they would all call me up and talk to me to see if there was anyone they needed to beat up or anyone they needed to meet. Now they are all serving the Lord and bringing people more happiness. That same happiness that I feel daily even when I think I'm not happy. I couldn't do it without the Lord.
- Logan. I really love you, really I do. And I know that I really want to be here. But right now it is hard. I get too bored and everyone leaves on the weekends. So it is hard. And when people are here they are all doing homework - except for me. Yep, I'm a homework slacker!! haha
- Phlebotomy is what I want to do. I want to help people and blood has always fascinated me ALWAYS! You can't go to school to a university to get a degree in phlebotomy. You can go for lab technician, but I don't want to be that right now. Please help me remember everything that I have thought about or the advise and help others have given me in my interview. I know I can do it - and everyone else knows I can. I WANT YOU BAD!!
- Last but not least, I know that God lives. I know that it is through Him that everything is possible. I know that without him I would be confused and lost in this crazy world. I know that He has a plan for each of us and they are all different. I know that He loves me and He answers prayers even when we don't think He does. I know that He knows the intentions of our heart, and with faith and trust in him, he will help the things that need to come to pass, come. He brings comfort in ways you never thought. As I look around me, I can see the people/places/things he has given me for comfort. I know that He LOVES me. And that He wants me to do my best always...even when we think we can't go any longer. I know he won't leave me alone even when I think I am lost. He is right there helping me and guiding me even when I think he can't see me. Sometimes I wish I could see the whole picture but grateful that I can't either. So when the greatest joys come I will be able to cherish and love each one of them because I didn't see them coming.
Until then...
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